I convince myself that writing about my problems is causing more harm than good. But, I can’t tell anymore.
I think I’m more afraid to face my issues. Anything I type is bringing gravity and truth to my words with every click of a button. It’s why I’ve avoided going to therapy as well.
I feel the more I avoid these issues, the less existentialism I have to deal with and the less anxiety I’ll have about simply existing.
I’ve become detached from my virtuish self. My righteous perfectionist “I need to fix everything” self. And it feels great! Why do I have to constantly be doing the right thing. I’m over that.
I just want to live the way I choose and not psychoanalyze every thought that comes into my head.
See just writing this, is giving me grief.
Perhaps it’d be better if I write boring shit.
I don’t know anymore.
This no longer feels freeing. It feels more like an intervention to write. Fuck it.